Do you know what it feels like?

This text was writen in 2008, I just found it and wanted to share.

Do you know what is it to like someone and not have this one?
Even if you decided not to have... what I think it's worse, it hurts much more and it makes you experience the most diferent feelings... happiness sometimes, sadness most of the time, the wonderful sensation of being free at the same time that everything you don't wanna be is free...
Weird? Yeah it is... 
The wish and desire of being together at the same time that you want the distance... 
It's putting things away without wanting it... organizing things that you need to, but you do not really want to do it because you were fine with them...
Feel good and evil sensations about yoursef and the other...
Feel the happines of having your friends around you and giving you suport and feeling lonely for not having just one person by your side...
Laugh and cry... 
Feel happy and sad, sometimes on the the edge of feeling miserable...
Feel that you took the right decision, and realize that the right decision not always can make you feel fine...
Realize that the right decision hurts you so bad... but being sure that it was the best to make for both...

and life goes on...

I am trying to make it the best way I can

Time to be me

It´s not really nice to me talking about myself, but I’ve thought so much about it, about my feelings, sensations and thoughts that I decided to write something.

What I want, what I am, what are my goals, what I am aiming at…? If you ask me all these things right now, I’d probably say that I don’t know. If suddenly I don’t know myself anymore? Don’t think so, really, but I am in that moment of balancing things, giving them the right weight in life, in my life. 

I thought about everything, and I realized that I’ve got the most difficult things in life altogether: a well structured family, real friends, love… but it seems there’s something missing, there’s something that‘s taking away my peace within and sometimes even my happiness. I found out that caring for the whole world made me think that the whole world would do just the same to me, that’s what I expected, and it’s not doing so, I confess it’s was so frustrating for me, but who in fact is wrong? Further, is there really someone wrong? 

A friend of mine said that I don’t talk too much about my feelings and my problems, unless I am about to blow up, what’s happening right now! It made me think about and I got to understand that I don’t give myself the right of being bad humored, of feeling sad, of not being well at all. 

People think I am an “emotional bunker”, just because I make myself so, I show it to everyone. 
I was kind of upset with everybody, just to think that I was able (or at least willing) to help everyone, sometimes at the same time and It seemed that when I needed, nobody was able to do so, but I think I was wrong, I just need to say it, to show it. 

Obviously I still think that I must change my way of treating people, just some, I am sick of playing a fool, of being always kind, of saying always YES… a new age has come… a time I will take care of myself above everything… a time I’ll give myself the right of being selfish when I think I need it… a time to do what I want and only what I want… a time to love myself the most… a time to be ME.

The next two texts are old ones, that I've just found them and wanted to share.