I am pretty sure I make mistakes, and they are not few, I am pretty sure I've already hurt people, and it did not happened only once, I am pretty sure I am an ordinary human being, as any other on the planet, full of good and bad things.

If I ever made something bad to you, I do apologize and you can certainly now that I never meant to hurt you, NEVER! I've always tried to be kind, helpful, fair... but I can fail and if I did, sorry! Shit happens, they really do and sometimes we cannot control it even if we want to.

People will always do something bad for you just because nobody is perfect. What makes the difference is the way you take it, the way you deal with it, what really matters to you. 

I always prefered to measure and balance everyone around me, no matter the "relationship status", by the good things they've done for me, tha's why I have friends that are by my side for years and years... do you really think they never did anything wrong? they never hurt me? ou that I never made something wrong? or that I never hurt them? You can be sure that in 7, 10 or 20 years of friendship a lot of things happened, including bad things that hurt one or another side, but as always, instead of thinking about wat was wrong we decided to see what was always right and we were always sure: that we do love each other, and care for each other and if anything bad was done or said, we now that it was never to hurt us, even if sometimes it did. 

I really wanted people to do the same, but now I see that it's easier hold on to the bad things and just forget the rest... It's easier to judge and convict... it's easier to decry. 

At first ir hurt so bad, and when I say it hurt I really mean it. I've always heard that the pain makes you harder, and I swear I didn't wnat it to happen to me. But I am tired of being judged, I am tired of people confusing my mistakes with being evil and confusing my being kind with being and idiot. Why do I have to be perfect? Why can't I make mistakes just like everyone does?

It's not nice to say that I will star not to believe in people, but I think I do have no choice... If I can't make mistakes and will be judged for that, I will do just the same... If I am expected do be perfect, I wil expect the same... and don't think I'll justify my mistakes with yours, I will just show that you do the same and I never treated you bad because of this.

Sorry you all but nobody will make me feel bad about something that I didn't really do or mean... And more, no one will ever make me believe I am evil, because I am not!

Ah! sei lá...

Tem coisas que acontecem com a gente que de fato não temos como explicar, apenas sentir, e eu sou assim, sempre fui. Sinceramente me irrita ter que saber tudo, ter uma explicação pra tudo, não basta sentir? Se você não sente, não basta entender que EU sinto e assim apenas respeitar? Já tem muita gente julgando tudo que fazemos por aí, sendo assim eu dispenso os “julgadores”, mesmo sendo amigos. Afinal, que atire a primeira pedra... né?

Amizade foi e sempre será uma das coisas mais importantes da minha vida, e sim, eu sou amigo incondicional, daqueles que estão lá a qualquer dia e qualquer hora. Felizmente tenho amigos assim também, de todas as horas, lugares etc. São importantes para mim tanto quanto meus pais e irmã - é uma família mesmo...

Há aqueles também que só te procuram quando algo de ruim acontece com eles, eles sabem que você estará sempre lá, mas nem sem sempre eles estão lá pra você... Dizem que é coisa de leonino querer ser o centro de tudo e tudo mais, mas a partir do momento que me dedico às coisas e pessoas, dando o melhor de mim, querer a mesma coisa de volta é querer ser o centro das atenções? O umbigo do mundo? Estou tão errado quando resolvo tratar as pessoas da mesma maneira que me tratam? Sinceramente, não! Não estou errado e é assim que vou agir daqui em diante, continuo sendo o mesmo amigo de sempre, apenas filtrando coisas e pessoas... Dispenso os “amigos” de tempos ruins apenas... Se é amigo é amigo pra tudo, pra todos os momentos, dos mais alegres aos mais tristes.

Amigos compartilham os momentos bons, os ruins, as alegrias, tristezas, sucessos e fracassos, incondicionalmente! Se não for assim não é amizade, é no máximo “coleguismo” - e amigos de boteco a gente encontra em qualquer lugar, em qualquer esquina.

Eu não tenho problema nenhum em dizer que sou dependente dos meus amigos, até pq eu sou mesmo!! Não vivo sem eles... qual a graça de conquistar coisas, ter sucesso, seja ele profissional, amoroso, a porra que for, se você não tem com quem compartilhar isso? Amigo pode ser tudo, menos egoísta...

Se eu sou o amigo perfeito? Mas é claaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaro... que não! E ninguém é e nunca vai ser, e é isso o bom da coisa, a diferença de estilo de vida, opinião, gosto e td mais, viva as diferenças e o respeito a elas, são as diferenças que nos acrescentam experiência,  que nos fazem crescer, pensar e até mudar de opinião e ponto de vista, porque não?

Amigo ri junto, chora junto, passa horas falando sobre política e economia, ao mesmo tempo que fala sobre sexo, música, bosta e qualquer outra coisa que possa surgir, é uma bagunça, uma deliciosa bagunça. Amigo discute, fala o que você precisa, mas não quer escutar, te dá bronca... amigo é irmão, pai, mãe, primo, tio... tudo ao mesmo tempo...

Amizade é isso, amigo é isso... o resto eu não sei.

Se deu errado?

Não, não deu errado. Pelo contrário, deu muito certo durante 2 anos e 7 meses, foram dois anos e 7 meses que eu jamais esquecerei. 2 anos e 7 meses de momentos muito especiais, 2 anos e 7 meses de aprendizado e de ensino. 2 anos e 7 meses de prazer. 2 anos e 7 meses de amizade e companheirismo. 2 anos e 7 meses de muito canto e dança (confesso, mais canto do que dança)... 2 anos e 7 meses felizes. É isso que eu vou guardar, sempre! Acabou porque nada é para sempre, acabou porque só queria lembrar de coisas boas e guardar tudo com carinho, acabou por respeito ao outro, acabou por consideração, acabou por sinceridade e honestidade, acabou até mesmo por amor, que ainda existe e sempre existirá.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVYVFBCYE-Q

...

E essa saudade que não cabe em mim?

Have you felt?

Have you ever felt you are the worse human being on earth? Yeah, I am just feeling this way, even though I know I am not. It’s painful to see you are making someone suffer, that you hurt someone, especially if it’s a person you love so much. But as I always said, feelings can change and absolutely nobody can be blamed for it, it just happens, but anyway, it makes me feel terrible.

We always search for a reason for most of the things that happens to us, I do act this way, there’s nothing I don’t wanna know the “why”. As time goes by we learn that living is the best thing to do, no matter what people will say, live what you feel, what you like, what you want… and that’s just what I am doing, I am living my feelings, living my thoughts, living my wishes, living my life.

No one can be blamed for feeling… and as I heard from a friend, “if it makes you feel, it makes sense”… being so, if it doesn't...

Do you know what it feels like?

This text was writen in 2008, I just found it and wanted to share.

Do you know what is it to like someone and not have this one?
Even if you decided not to have... what I think it's worse, it hurts much more and it makes you experience the most diferent feelings... happiness sometimes, sadness most of the time, the wonderful sensation of being free at the same time that everything you don't wanna be is free...
Weird? Yeah it is... 
The wish and desire of being together at the same time that you want the distance... 
It's putting things away without wanting it... organizing things that you need to, but you do not really want to do it because you were fine with them...
Feel good and evil sensations about yoursef and the other...
Feel the happines of having your friends around you and giving you suport and feeling lonely for not having just one person by your side...
Laugh and cry... 
Feel happy and sad, sometimes on the the edge of feeling miserable...
Feel that you took the right decision, and realize that the right decision not always can make you feel fine...
Realize that the right decision hurts you so bad... but being sure that it was the best to make for both...

and life goes on...

I am trying to make it the best way I can

Time to be me

It´s not really nice to me talking about myself, but I’ve thought so much about it, about my feelings, sensations and thoughts that I decided to write something.

What I want, what I am, what are my goals, what I am aiming at…? If you ask me all these things right now, I’d probably say that I don’t know. If suddenly I don’t know myself anymore? Don’t think so, really, but I am in that moment of balancing things, giving them the right weight in life, in my life. 

I thought about everything, and I realized that I’ve got the most difficult things in life altogether: a well structured family, real friends, love… but it seems there’s something missing, there’s something that‘s taking away my peace within and sometimes even my happiness. I found out that caring for the whole world made me think that the whole world would do just the same to me, that’s what I expected, and it’s not doing so, I confess it’s was so frustrating for me, but who in fact is wrong? Further, is there really someone wrong? 

A friend of mine said that I don’t talk too much about my feelings and my problems, unless I am about to blow up, what’s happening right now! It made me think about and I got to understand that I don’t give myself the right of being bad humored, of feeling sad, of not being well at all. 

People think I am an “emotional bunker”, just because I make myself so, I show it to everyone. 
I was kind of upset with everybody, just to think that I was able (or at least willing) to help everyone, sometimes at the same time and It seemed that when I needed, nobody was able to do so, but I think I was wrong, I just need to say it, to show it. 

Obviously I still think that I must change my way of treating people, just some, I am sick of playing a fool, of being always kind, of saying always YES… a new age has come… a time I will take care of myself above everything… a time I’ll give myself the right of being selfish when I think I need it… a time to do what I want and only what I want… a time to love myself the most… a time to be ME.

The next two texts are old ones, that I've just found them and wanted to share.